We'd Like To Thank You Herbert Hoover

So there I am. It's a rainy monday night and I'm vacuuming the halls and stairs of my apartment building. (I've got a deal worked out with the landlord to do a little work around the building to get a reduction in rent.) I've had a stuffed up nose since June. I'd go to the doctor if I had insurance. But last night as I slept the nose was amazingly clear. Today it's running like crazy. I mean, like I can't blow it enough. I keep blowing and blowing and still there's more snot. Finally I'm just letting it drip out of me. I'm hunched over as I vacuum so I don't get any on my clothes. Because there's a lot of stairs in the building I'm frequently switching from regular vacuuming to using the hose and attachments. It's a fancy Hoover vacuum cleaner with a little green light that comes on to tell you that the carpet is clean. So I've got the hose out, vacuum still on, and another drip falls from my nose and happens to go right into the hose. I can feel another drip coming so this time I aim for the hose to suck it right up. Then I get an idea. I look around to make sure no one is watching. Then I blow my nose hard right into the hose. When I lift my head up my nose is amazingly clear. And unlike when you blow your nose into tissue and it tickles your nose and just makes more snot come, this is very clean, no tickling. I can't remember when I've felt so fresh. So I keep vacuuming, and every couple of minutes or so I give myself another nose job. Or nose-suck job. A "nuck job" you might call it. And each time I do I look furtively around as if I was doing coke or something. And I'm holding one nostral and blowing and then the other. And for a few minutes afterwards I've got the most beautifully clear sinus passages I've ever had. Nuck jobs are awesome. Anyone else tried this?

-David

P.S. Does anyone know what musical the subject line comes from? Hint: I was in this musical in 8th grade.