Tuesday, December 4, 2007

If you're not paranoid, you're not paying attention

We interrupt Rob's riveting and elegantly minimalist live-blog thread to bring you this news update:

Due to recent so-called "precipitation-generated activity" (they're called landslides, you liberal media pansies!) here in the greater Seattle/King County/Puget Sound/Cascade/Olympic region, all train and highway access into and out of Seattle has been CUT OFF indefinitely. And while you might think, "that's cool, I don't need to get out of town anytime soon", remember this, hippie:

Now you've got nowhere to run from Canada.

Don't think they're not planning it right now either:
  1. Their dollar is finally stronger than ours. 
  2. They've legalized weed.
  3. Recruitment of young "hockey players" has been at an all time high for the past 7 years.
  4. What other reasons do you NEED?
Do you really think they've been doing nothing but socializing their healthcare and breeding improv comedians this whole time?

Wake up, America, the mild-tempered tide is rising and we are SITTING LOONIES down here. Who's gonna be laughing when they clear the the roads and tracks only to find THE SPACE NEEDLE FLYING A BIG, RED MAPLE LEAF?! FREEDOM ISN'T FREE! You can pry it out of my COLD, DEAD HAND!
ALWAYS REMEMBER! NEVER FORGET! USA! USA!


And now back to Blake Lewis or whatever.

2 comments:

Pete said...

Actually, the loonie has normalized with the dollar again, and is headed back "south of the border" as we speak.

Stupid fiscally ambivalent Canadians...

Anonymous said...

Eh!

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