Tuesday, December 4, 2007

If you're not paranoid, you're not paying attention

We interrupt Rob's riveting and elegantly minimalist live-blog thread to bring you this news update:

Due to recent so-called "precipitation-generated activity" (they're called landslides, you liberal media pansies!) here in the greater Seattle/King County/Puget Sound/Cascade/Olympic region, all train and highway access into and out of Seattle has been CUT OFF indefinitely. And while you might think, "that's cool, I don't need to get out of town anytime soon", remember this, hippie:

Now you've got nowhere to run from Canada.

Don't think they're not planning it right now either:
  1. Their dollar is finally stronger than ours. 
  2. They've legalized weed.
  3. Recruitment of young "hockey players" has been at an all time high for the past 7 years.
  4. What other reasons do you NEED?
Do you really think they've been doing nothing but socializing their healthcare and breeding improv comedians this whole time?

Wake up, America, the mild-tempered tide is rising and we are SITTING LOONIES down here. Who's gonna be laughing when they clear the the roads and tracks only to find THE SPACE NEEDLE FLYING A BIG, RED MAPLE LEAF?! FREEDOM ISN'T FREE! You can pry it out of my COLD, DEAD HAND!

And now back to Blake Lewis or whatever.


Pete said...

Actually, the loonie has normalized with the dollar again, and is headed back "south of the border" as we speak.

Stupid fiscally ambivalent Canadians...

Anonymous said...


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