"Awesome" Beauty Corner

This week - A chocolate face mask! YUM!



Listen, it tones while it moisturizes and it smells fantastic, okay?

UPDATE: If you can't view this through your RSS or other feed, you can see it here.

Rush Trivia of the Week

(Wherein we discover that "the Motor Law" is not,  as was previously assumed, the Canadian hotel and restaurant tax.)

In honor of their appearance at the Gorge last weekend, here is some important information on one of Rush's more lyrically enigmatic classics (Hint: It's based on a short story about a dystopian future where sports cars are illegal! Chicka-whaaaaaaa??).

Happy Seis de Mayo!

Since you've no doubt got Mexican-style songs still on the brain after yesterday's festivities, let's all sing along to one of "Awesome"'s favorites:

La Cucaracha!

Translated  from the original Spanish

Okay, everyone turn to page 262 of Jerry Silverman's Folk Song Encyclopedia, Vol. I.

We'll start with the first verse, all together now!

When a fellow loves a maiden/and that maiden doesn't love him,

It's the same as when a bald man/finds a comb upon the highway.

Well, not a connection I would have made, per se. 

But let's try the chorus!

La cucaracha, la cucaracha/doesn't want to travel on,

Because she hasn't, oh no she hasn't/Marihuana for to smoke.

Wha-HAAAAAAT? Jerry Silverman, you subversive stoner devil! 

Let's see what the other verses have in store.

All the maidens are of pure gold/All the married girls are silver;

All the widows are of copper/And old women merely tin.

All right, line up ladies: Gold in front, silver behind them. Copper and tin, I'll totally be calling you later.

My neighbor across the highway/Used to be called Dona Clara,

And if she has not expired/Likely that's her name tomorrow.

Okay, is that not actually hilarious? In like a "dad joke" kinda way?

All the girls up at Las Vegas/Are most awful tall and skinny,

But they're worse for plaintive pleading/Than the souls in Purgatory.

Yeah, Vegas! wooho-! 

Wait, I think there was a moral caution in that verse...

...

...

...Yeah, Vegas! Sing the part about weed again!

All the girls here in the city/Don't know how to give you kisses,

While the ones from Albuquerque/Stretch their necks to avoid misses.

City women = prudes.

Albuquerque women = sluts. 

Check!

One thing makes me laugh most hearty/Pancho Villa with no shirt on,

Now the Carranzistas beat it/Because Villa's men are coming.

Woaahhhhaaaaa hahahaa! 

Pancho Vi...! no shir...! Ha... ! [gasp!]

Then...! [pant!]

Those STUPID Carranzistas...! HA!  Do you GET it?

No shirt!! 

Now here come Villa's men!!!!

Ahh... I laugh most hearty...

And that's some quality sing-along time with La Cucaracha, thanks to our pal Jerry Silverman. 

Thanks Jerry!

Until next time, adios Carranzistas!

Bing and a Bang

About a year and a half ago, I emailed Paul Gude to ask if we could borrow his video camera. We were headed to Helena, MT to perform noSignal, and we wanted to document our very first road trip. His response is printed below:

John, I will make you a bargin.

You may take this camera to Mon-tah-na, but in exchange you must complete a Paul Gude tribute album within one year.

The album will be entitled, "Paul Gude Made Me Do This So I Could Borrow His Camera"

It should contain the following songs:

Monocarbon Driver
Mr. Destructo
I Walk the Walk
Open My Arm
Two Grand in My Hand
150 Flea
Bing and a Bang
Not Your Friend
Monkeytown

I will provide copies of my versions and lyrics. You are under no obligation to make it good. You can just beat on a bucket if you like.

I'm a little behind, but I just finished the first song, "Bing and a Bang", and you can listen to it here.

Narcotic Exquisite (with Apologies to Wallace Stevens)

As the droozy dew of Vicodin
Brings forth
The wet-glazed palm
And yellow dream’s appetite for life,

As the droozy dew of Vicodin
Brings forth birds and birds
From the Nebula,
Nebula unfolding jubilant curves
And mad curves of jubilant curves,

And unscrupulous effluvia,
Shine though the lens of the vast playpen,
And pontifical frost
So, in me, comes wringing
Wrinkles, rules, and the ruin of rules.

-David