Cobras & Matadors

I'm in LA, eating at the amazing Ryan Dobosh's restaurant, Cobras y Matadors, enjoying some of the best damn tapas available for US dollars. The table behind me is loud. I confer with Ryan. "Well, can you please tell Baz Luhrmann and his cronies to shut up?" I say loudly. They leave.

I use the restroom. Someone has left their treasure trove in the toilet. I confer with Ryan. On my way out, I tell Kanye West's table, "One of you doesn't know how to flush. West."

Farmer's market in Hollywood the next day. It's hot. Someone tells me Liv Tyler is nearby. I call Ryan. Upon departing from the farmer's market, I declare loudly to no one in particular, "Arwen had no speaking lines in the books."

I'm cleaning up LA celeb by celeb. For you.